ward 44

the first thing i noticed when i stepped into the ward was that the curtain of a certain bed was drawn. It caught my eye because it's exactly the same scene when i went to that place when my grandfather passed away. I can't remember if it's the same ward, it might be a different level, but it's the same hospital, same ward layout, same bed. then when i saw the patient there, he looks almost the same as my grandpa. Ok, i might be exaggerating. He doesn't have the same face, but he has a tall built, you can tell that when he was young, he probably was quite well-built but the toll of whatever illness he has has reduced him to skin and bones. He just layed there, not moving with a tube sticking out of his nose. I couldn't help but kept looking in that direction everytime i walked pass that cubicle.

I'm not upset or anything, just have this nostalgic feeling. I just remembered that when my grandpa first went to hospital after he fell down, he was in that bed but prob a cubicle further down the ward. It was then when he started hallucinating and said that there were things on the ceiling. I think that was the last time i had a real conversation with him. I remembered asking him if he knew who i was, he said," Of course i remember you otherwise there'll be something wrong with me!" That night he suddenly collapsed and had to go for a craniotomy for a subdural bleed. It saved his life but he was not the same after the op.

today is the first day of my student-internship programme. I like this new system because it shows us what kind of work we'll be doing as housemen after we graduate. At least now, when we are blur and don't know what to do, we can always call for help from the friendly HOs and MOs. It might sound strange, but when the nurse came to me and told me that bed X needed blood culture and bed Y needed a plug, i felt happy. For once, we are not the bane of the hospital. We have a role and can actually do something.

It's nothing like studying for the exams. I don't think the textbooks can ever prepare us for anything like that. I might hate this kind of life after my nightcalls, but i'm enjoying every moment now.