ward 44

the first thing i noticed when i stepped into the ward was that the curtain of a certain bed was drawn. It caught my eye because it's exactly the same scene when i went to that place when my grandfather passed away. I can't remember if it's the same ward, it might be a different level, but it's the same hospital, same ward layout, same bed. then when i saw the patient there, he looks almost the same as my grandpa. Ok, i might be exaggerating. He doesn't have the same face, but he has a tall built, you can tell that when he was young, he probably was quite well-built but the toll of whatever illness he has has reduced him to skin and bones. He just layed there, not moving with a tube sticking out of his nose. I couldn't help but kept looking in that direction everytime i walked pass that cubicle.

I'm not upset or anything, just have this nostalgic feeling. I just remembered that when my grandpa first went to hospital after he fell down, he was in that bed but prob a cubicle further down the ward. It was then when he started hallucinating and said that there were things on the ceiling. I think that was the last time i had a real conversation with him. I remembered asking him if he knew who i was, he said," Of course i remember you otherwise there'll be something wrong with me!" That night he suddenly collapsed and had to go for a craniotomy for a subdural bleed. It saved his life but he was not the same after the op.

today is the first day of my student-internship programme. I like this new system because it shows us what kind of work we'll be doing as housemen after we graduate. At least now, when we are blur and don't know what to do, we can always call for help from the friendly HOs and MOs. It might sound strange, but when the nurse came to me and told me that bed X needed blood culture and bed Y needed a plug, i felt happy. For once, we are not the bane of the hospital. We have a role and can actually do something.

It's nothing like studying for the exams. I don't think the textbooks can ever prepare us for anything like that. I might hate this kind of life after my nightcalls, but i'm enjoying every moment now.

I'm not a superwoman

i used to think medical school was easy. seriously. haha. that was when i was still young, ignorant and did not realise the importance of having a good foundation. During the first few years, i did not study very much. just enough to get by, only cheong when there was a test or exam. Luckily i managed to scrape through.

i have survived 4.5 years of med school, have 4.5 more months to the FINAL MBBS. 4545! quick buy 4D for tomorrow!

now i finally realise why people say med school is hard. yes, i totally agree, it's super duper hard. you need the memory of a gigantic computer, the skills like tiger woods in the golf course, the compassion of mother theresa, and the ability to not sleep like...hmm...everybody needs to sleep!! it's not even humanely possible! and when you think you have studied enough for a topic, listed all the important topics that you have to know, someone will come and tell you that you need to know more!! argh. when is enough?? you think that by going to the wards from monday to friday, early in the morning till late in the afternoon, go home study your ass off, you can relax a little during the weekends. WRONG! everybody else is at the wards clerking more patients, hospital hopping so that they can see everything! where do they find all the energy?

Conclusion: you need to be not human to survive med school without having a mental breakdown.